All too soon, President Lame Duck will take to the airwaves in that annual tradition Americans know as the State of the Union address. As a service to you, dear readers, we thought we’d give you a sneak preview so you can use that time to do something more productive – like give your cat a bath.
Cue teleprompter.
“Our economy sucks.”
“It’s Bush’s fault.”
“I’ll be on the road campaigning all year. Except when I’m bypassing Congress to issue an unprecedented number of Executive Orders.”
“It’s Bush’s fault.”
“Rich people (except for me and Da Mooch, of course) are greedy bastards who owe you the fruits of their risks and labor.”
“Anyone who doesn’t agree with me is a racist.”
“It’s the GOP’s fault.”
“I will be on the campaign trail all year.”
“We’re going to continue to encourage the Islamist extremists to play nice in the sandbox by giving them control over more of the Middle East.”
“Illegal immigrants are good and deserve everything we can give them. That’s why I appointed someone who used to head up La Raza to head up the Domestic Policy Council.”
“Anyone who doesn’t agree with me is a racist.”
“It’s Bush’s fault.”
“Look at all the goodies you’re going to get from the new health care law this year. Doesn’t matter if we don’t have any money to pay for it. The Supreme Court is gonna see things my way.”
“I’m going to promise again that I’ll reduce the size of government because it’s a good way to get you to vote for me.”
“It’s the GOP’s fault.”
“I’ll be out campaigning all year while Congress does nothing.”
“It’s still Bush’s fault.”
End to great applause and a standing O.